Patience

"Patience is a virtue", a theme that is drilled into our heads as children... and while we slowly, patiently, learn to overcome the obstacles that stand in our way, we grow. We learn to even love the anticipation, the high that comes when our patience is rewarded. But what happens when the reward doesn't outweigh the wait anymore? How do we maintain that same level of patience?

I face this question on a daily basis in my life. Whether it is in regards to my personal life, work, or just dealing with "Stewie" my ostomy, I sometimes lose the patience I have so instinctively come to rely on. You see, I have been told, time and time again that I have the "patience of a saint", but trust me, I am no saint, and my patience gets thin more easily than many would think.

On the outside, I am really good at putting on a strong face, but inside I am screaming, crying and begging to understand the chaos. Sometimes, my patient, strong exterior makes me a target for people to assume that I will just roll over and take whatever is handed to me, because I am too patient, too kind, too forgiving to do otherwise. Unfortunately, they are more often correct. In my patience, I have a tendency to just look the other way. Many people would see this as a downfall, and honestly, it is. However, in the deepest part of my understanding, I know that the reward will eventually come with goodness and kindness being returned to me.

Now, this doesn't mean that I don't sometimes lose my ever-loving mind sometimes. I do. Trust me, I do and when it happens, it is ugly, it is shameful and it is sad. Just the other day, I was exhausted, I was in pain, I was just downright over it... and I mean EVERYTHING. Stewie and I had had a rough couple days and nights. I really needed to change my bag and I just didn't have it in me. I lost it. Full blown sobbing uncontrollably, foot stomping tantrum ensued... (and this is not a pretty site for a 38 year old woman to display) In that moment, I just wanted to be "normal." I just needed someone to look at me and tell me I was ok, it was ok, and it would continue to be ok. Someone to remind me that I just needed to be patient, take a breath and focus on how to do what needed to be done and move forward. Thankfully I had a friend there who unfortunately gets to see the impatient side of me more so than most but they were there to literally take me by the shoulders, look me in the eyes and tell me to stop and just do what needed to get done. It was a case where someone else's patience for me helped me to find patience for myself. I was able to take care of Stewie, although he was NOT being very cooperative and then I was able to gather myself off the floor, and reinstate the patience I am so well know for.

I guess all I am trying to say is that, we all struggle with how to be patient, and in the words of the wise man, Axl Rose,
"Said, woman, take it slow
And it'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience"